YOUTH AND EMOTION
Archdeacon Ramsis Naguib
There are numerous questions that young people ask about the possibility of having a pure
romantic relationship with a member of the opposite sex as a kind of preparation for
marriage. We do not want to unjustly accuse these young people of disobedience because of
this thinking. A lot of young people have honest intentions and are worried about the
difficulty of finding a life-partner after graduation and becoming involved in a career. This
does not, however, prevent us from discussing this matter as fully as possible.
1. What is emotion?
Emotion is a psychological predisposition caused by a number of emotional responses to a
certain subject which may have aroused in the person certain inclinations. It is a inclination of
the self toward a certain subject. It is acquired through experience and teaching.
There is a difference between emotion itself and an emotional response. The former is
acquired gradually and repetitively while the latter is a temporary experience.
A simple examination of the components of human personality shows us that the personality
of a human being is the product of the interaction between the individual and the
environment. An individual consists of what is innate such as the instincts, responses to
stimuli, psychological needs, and impulses as well what is consciously acquired such as
emotions, habits, tendencies, and what is unconscious such as complexes. The home, school,
church, and general environment all play important roles in the formation of the personality.
It is therefore clear that emotions are an important component of the personality. Its sound
channeling contributes to the building up of the young person, not to his destruction.
There are different types of emotions. There are some that are personal, subjective, and
concrete such as the love of the child for its mother. They can be material and grouporiented
such as his love for his family or school, or they can be objective and abstract such
as love of honesty, sacrifice, and truthfulness.
2. How does an emotional relationship occur?
Meeting with someone could arouse certain emotions, or the desire to dominate the other.
This stage is similar, in many cases, to the relationship of a child with his mother, or a
daughter with her father.
In the case of healthy development, the adolescent begins to change the objects of his or her
love from those inside the family to those that are outside it. If this does not happen, the
adolescent fails in his or her public and family life since he cannot adjust to the new situation
or be weaned from the emotional ties of the family. This is the cause of many problems
nowadays.
Thus, we can see that emotion is intimately connected to two factors:
1. Self:
Unless I am attracted to the object of my emotions, I will not become attached to it. There is
a taking and there is something gained from this emotion.
3. After the examinations:
+ Submit all your efforts and your answers to the Lord Jesus Christ who loves you and
prepares what is good for you.
+ Beware of imagining that your thoughts, desires, or your ambitions are going to make you
happy. Real happiness is in Christ, daily satisfaction is in Him, and our eternal and infinite
portion is in him. As for the things of the earth no matter how high or great, they are nothing
but dust, believe me. Have a calm and serene spirit in the Lord and may He provide for
tomorrow: “Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” (Mt. 6: 34).
May the Lord Jesus be with you... the only secret of your success.
2. The body:
the emotions are one of the constituents of the human personality. The psyche, with its
impulses, its instincts, its different components, is intimately related to the body, and
expresses itself through it. Anger affects the body, and so do joy and lust.
The difference between emotion and love:
Hence, we realize that there is a vast difference between love and emotion, no matter how
pure it may seem to be. One quickly discovers the fact of its relation to the body. No matter
how giving, self-sacrificing, and willing to do anything for the loved one it may appear to be,
when it is tested, it can change into a bitter hatred at the first dispute or humiliation.
The example of Amnon and Tamar is a case in point. Amnon loved his step-sister, and when
he took what he wanted, “Then Amnon hated her exceedingly, so that the hatred with which
he hated her was greater than the love with which he had loved her.” (2 Sam. 13:15).
This probably explains why so many marriages that were based on emotions have failed.
Many crimes may be committed out of revenge on the part of a lover if the feelings of the
beloved change or are diverted to someone else, or if the emotion is not reciprocated.
In contrast, love is self-sacrificing and spiritual. Love is total giving without reservation and
measure. Emotion is a deal that is carefully calculated, but love is total self-sacrifice in Christ,
a profound unity, and a spirituality that is not moved by the body but by the Spirit of God.
Love, therefore, is more stable, deeper, and more lasting. Every marriage that is built on a
sacrificing spiritual love will be successful.
In the marriages of this age, we see the commercial spirit: what has he benefited and what
have I benefited? Which of us has won this round? But spiritual love rises above self, body,
and money. If each partner is willing, because of his life in Christ, to give himself or herself to
the other without hesitation, how can problems arise?
4. How should a young man choose his life-partner?
Our advice to young men is not to pursue their emotions while they are still university
students or even when they are starting on a career after graduation. This is not the way to a
sound marriage. Concentrate your hearts and interests on your salvation and on your studies
and work.
When a person is spiritually, psychologically, socially, and financially mature and ready, he
can begin to think of marriage in a sound way. He takes the matter to God and to his father
confessor. He devotes to it prayers, fasts, masses, in total submission and obedience to the
voice of God. And soon enough, he will begin to perceive the will of God over the horizon. He
hears the voice of God clearly in the depth of his being and through his father confessor, and
the voice of God is only clear if we ask for it persistently and sincerely without ulterior motive
and without insisting on a certain course of action.
Marriage is a sharing of life and its responsibilities and a union governed by giving and
sacrificing. That is why it should not be entered into lightly, or we run the risk of building a
new home on the weak foundation of emotion.
Keep close, dear young man, to your Christ, your Bible, and your Church as well as your
studies, and postpone this matter to the proper time. It is certain that we change from year
to year. Listen to what the Bible says: “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains
favor from the Lord.” (Pr. 18: 22). “A prudent wife is from the Lord.” (Pr. 19: 14). “Who can
find a virtuous wife: for her worth is far above rubies.” (Pr. 31: 10).
Take your time, my friend, and determine the path you will travel. Be fixed in the life of
salvation so that you are not lost like those who are; while you are looking for water, make
sure you do not end with a mirage. Make eternity your first priority, for rest on earth can only
come in Jesus Christ.
Archdeacon Ramsis Naguib
There are numerous questions that young people ask about the possibility of having a pure
romantic relationship with a member of the opposite sex as a kind of preparation for
marriage. We do not want to unjustly accuse these young people of disobedience because of
this thinking. A lot of young people have honest intentions and are worried about the
difficulty of finding a life-partner after graduation and becoming involved in a career. This
does not, however, prevent us from discussing this matter as fully as possible.
1. What is emotion?
Emotion is a psychological predisposition caused by a number of emotional responses to a
certain subject which may have aroused in the person certain inclinations. It is a inclination of
the self toward a certain subject. It is acquired through experience and teaching.
There is a difference between emotion itself and an emotional response. The former is
acquired gradually and repetitively while the latter is a temporary experience.
A simple examination of the components of human personality shows us that the personality
of a human being is the product of the interaction between the individual and the
environment. An individual consists of what is innate such as the instincts, responses to
stimuli, psychological needs, and impulses as well what is consciously acquired such as
emotions, habits, tendencies, and what is unconscious such as complexes. The home, school,
church, and general environment all play important roles in the formation of the personality.
It is therefore clear that emotions are an important component of the personality. Its sound
channeling contributes to the building up of the young person, not to his destruction.
There are different types of emotions. There are some that are personal, subjective, and
concrete such as the love of the child for its mother. They can be material and grouporiented
such as his love for his family or school, or they can be objective and abstract such
as love of honesty, sacrifice, and truthfulness.
2. How does an emotional relationship occur?
Meeting with someone could arouse certain emotions, or the desire to dominate the other.
This stage is similar, in many cases, to the relationship of a child with his mother, or a
daughter with her father.
In the case of healthy development, the adolescent begins to change the objects of his or her
love from those inside the family to those that are outside it. If this does not happen, the
adolescent fails in his or her public and family life since he cannot adjust to the new situation
or be weaned from the emotional ties of the family. This is the cause of many problems
nowadays.
Thus, we can see that emotion is intimately connected to two factors:
1. Self:
Unless I am attracted to the object of my emotions, I will not become attached to it. There is
a taking and there is something gained from this emotion.
3. After the examinations:
+ Submit all your efforts and your answers to the Lord Jesus Christ who loves you and
prepares what is good for you.
+ Beware of imagining that your thoughts, desires, or your ambitions are going to make you
happy. Real happiness is in Christ, daily satisfaction is in Him, and our eternal and infinite
portion is in him. As for the things of the earth no matter how high or great, they are nothing
but dust, believe me. Have a calm and serene spirit in the Lord and may He provide for
tomorrow: “Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” (Mt. 6: 34).
May the Lord Jesus be with you... the only secret of your success.
2. The body:
the emotions are one of the constituents of the human personality. The psyche, with its
impulses, its instincts, its different components, is intimately related to the body, and
expresses itself through it. Anger affects the body, and so do joy and lust.
The difference between emotion and love:
Hence, we realize that there is a vast difference between love and emotion, no matter how
pure it may seem to be. One quickly discovers the fact of its relation to the body. No matter
how giving, self-sacrificing, and willing to do anything for the loved one it may appear to be,
when it is tested, it can change into a bitter hatred at the first dispute or humiliation.
The example of Amnon and Tamar is a case in point. Amnon loved his step-sister, and when
he took what he wanted, “Then Amnon hated her exceedingly, so that the hatred with which
he hated her was greater than the love with which he had loved her.” (2 Sam. 13:15).
This probably explains why so many marriages that were based on emotions have failed.
Many crimes may be committed out of revenge on the part of a lover if the feelings of the
beloved change or are diverted to someone else, or if the emotion is not reciprocated.
In contrast, love is self-sacrificing and spiritual. Love is total giving without reservation and
measure. Emotion is a deal that is carefully calculated, but love is total self-sacrifice in Christ,
a profound unity, and a spirituality that is not moved by the body but by the Spirit of God.
Love, therefore, is more stable, deeper, and more lasting. Every marriage that is built on a
sacrificing spiritual love will be successful.
In the marriages of this age, we see the commercial spirit: what has he benefited and what
have I benefited? Which of us has won this round? But spiritual love rises above self, body,
and money. If each partner is willing, because of his life in Christ, to give himself or herself to
the other without hesitation, how can problems arise?
4. How should a young man choose his life-partner?
Our advice to young men is not to pursue their emotions while they are still university
students or even when they are starting on a career after graduation. This is not the way to a
sound marriage. Concentrate your hearts and interests on your salvation and on your studies
and work.
When a person is spiritually, psychologically, socially, and financially mature and ready, he
can begin to think of marriage in a sound way. He takes the matter to God and to his father
confessor. He devotes to it prayers, fasts, masses, in total submission and obedience to the
voice of God. And soon enough, he will begin to perceive the will of God over the horizon. He
hears the voice of God clearly in the depth of his being and through his father confessor, and
the voice of God is only clear if we ask for it persistently and sincerely without ulterior motive
and without insisting on a certain course of action.
Marriage is a sharing of life and its responsibilities and a union governed by giving and
sacrificing. That is why it should not be entered into lightly, or we run the risk of building a
new home on the weak foundation of emotion.
Keep close, dear young man, to your Christ, your Bible, and your Church as well as your
studies, and postpone this matter to the proper time. It is certain that we change from year
to year. Listen to what the Bible says: “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains
favor from the Lord.” (Pr. 18: 22). “A prudent wife is from the Lord.” (Pr. 19: 14). “Who can
find a virtuous wife: for her worth is far above rubies.” (Pr. 31: 10).
Take your time, my friend, and determine the path you will travel. Be fixed in the life of
salvation so that you are not lost like those who are; while you are looking for water, make
sure you do not end with a mirage. Make eternity your first priority, for rest on earth can only
come in Jesus Christ.
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